he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
