Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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