he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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