i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
