apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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