there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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