I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
