that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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