I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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