I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
