Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just googled if crying burns calories
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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