11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
