She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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