1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
