last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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