I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
