No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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