sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Also, beer. Big fan.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
If its not for food we ain't going out.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
