oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i need an iv and a liver transplant
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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