You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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