have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
