I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
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I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
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My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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