i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
