he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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