and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
