You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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