Fine. I'll sleep in my office
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
