i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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