she was so not down for the gang bang
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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