If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You have to summon your inner elephant
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
