bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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