better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
