No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
