you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Randomize
