Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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