So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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