I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
