We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
