Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
