I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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