i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
