I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
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MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
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