Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
