hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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