He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
