I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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