I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
