Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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