I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
