I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
