She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
BRING THE BAGELS
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize