lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
