Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
