I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
3 2 1 whiskey
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
