So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
