My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
