I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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