If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
