I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
