i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
