worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Too much gin, very little bucket
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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