She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
