Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
