alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
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When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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