He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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