i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
